II’m taking a class this fall in which we are studying reliquaries. Although reliquaries are found in many cultures, the most commonly known are ornate containers that hold the relics (remains) of saints revered by some sects of Christianity.
In response to our studies, each student in the class is going to be making a piece of art that will be featured at the Walters Art Museum of Baltimore, Maryland, USA in the spring of 2011. For my project, I’ll be looking into the topics of mothers, motherhood and the mother-child relationship.
I’d like to ask you to please assist me with this project. You can do this by posting stories to the comments section below this post that relate a significant moment in your role as a mother and by spreading the word to other women. These will be used as inspiration for my project.
If you have any questions, feel free to post those in the comments section as well and I'll answer them in a future post. Thank you for your time and participation.
My epiphanies about motherhood didn't occur until I stepped away from my role as mother to my own children and took on the role of "mother" for other people's children. When my kids were teens, I became a nanny to several children, ranging in age from birth to five. These children were in my care for up to 10 hours a day. I watched them in my home, feeding some of them 3 meals a day. I loved them and treated them as I would my own children but there was one distinct difference-- they listened to me and did what I asked them to do! Their parents were always surprised that they napped for me or ate carrots or shared their toys, behaviors they seemed to forget or refused to do as soon as they were home. It was like being in a parent-teacher conference and saying, "No, I'm here for my kid-- you must be talking about some other child."
ReplyDeleteI realized that I was able to clearly see what was driving each child's personality and behavior and yet, I was not personally invested. When you give your own child a task or punishment, your wills, desires, past, and assorted baggage comes in to play. How you were raised, and how you feel about how you were raised, clouds your vision so that how your child reacts to your command is either taken as a personal affront to you or falls in line with how you felt about that command yourself.
Not being personally invested in these children, I could clearly see that one craved attention, one needed to be in control, one needed structure, and one was independent. I never took their defiance as an affront to me-- their behaviors were praised when they positive and disciplined when they were negative. I suppose that's why there are so many books on child-rearing but people can't seem to follow the advice in the books.
If I had known this before I had children, would I have been a different mother? I have one child very similar to me in personality and one very different from me. The first I can understand and empathize with. The second, I will never figure out. If I had been able to look at them both objectively, without interference from my own reactions, thoughts, and personality, would I have been a better mother? Perhaps not. Perhaps that's exactly what makes me the mother of my own children, and an authority figure, but certainly not a mother, to those I cared for.
I would have to say that my defining moment(s) of motherhood didn't happen while my children were growing up. Rather, they came to me as my children have grown to adulthood. I saw my boys go off to join the Marines. I was so proud...then, my youngest son got married. I never felt more proud of him than I did the day I saw him hold his newborn son! He is doing a wonderful job of raising his son and is a wonderful, loving husband and father.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son will get married next Summer. I watch them together and know that he, also, will be a fantastic husband.
So, I guess the defining moment in motherhood is when you look at your adult children and know you have done a good job in raising them.
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for participating in my project!
Sincerely,
"Relics of Motherhood"